First off, let me apologize for this ridiculously late review. It seems the U.S. Air Force doesn't quite share in the importance of Sega Nerds that we do as they sent me to South Korea for the last several weeks. I can't reveal what I did there since it's super secret Air Force stuff, but I'll make sure to shed a little light during next week's Nerdcast.

Now with that out of the way, let's finally get on with this damn review.

As you may or may not know, Alien Syndrome is a remake of the classic '80s coin-op. Released on the PSP in July, Alien Syndrome is yet another classic title that Sega's handed the reigns to a small-time developer; this time it's Totally Games' turn. Poised with such a mighty task, do the little guys come through?



I'm not quite sure where to begin in this review. I equate it to when you were a kid and you had to clean your messy ass room - it was so damn dirty that you didn't know what the hell to clean first. Yeah, Alien Syndrome isn't the pinnacle of Sega gaming, let's just get that out there.

But because this review is so tardy, I'll do away with the pleasantries. Chances are, you've already read all the basic details from other sites that have reviewed it already anyway.

Instead, I'm going to just tell you what I liked and disliked about the game. Sadly, there are a few more negatives than positives.

First off, I'll start with the bad news
- Alien Syndrome doesn't have a tagline, but if it did, I'm sure this is what it'd be ¢⁈“ Alien Syndrome: The Game That Will Never F**king End. I mean this game makes Lord of the Rings: Return of the King seem like a 15-minute Saturday morning cartoon in comparison.

I can distinctly remember at least seven or eight times where I was sure the game would wrap up and finally end only to be met with another load screen for a new level. In total, Alien Syndrome has about 40 levels, and it'll take you a long time to complete it.

This would normally be a good thing if you're, ya know, having fun playing the game, but like the time I watched From Justin to Kelly, I was just ready for it to end.

- I think Totally Games wanted to make the game feel more epic, which is why they included so many levels. But because you're basically doing the same thing in each level - getting from Point A to Point B while killing all the baddies in your way - they could have easily sliced half of the levels from the game, and it'd have been much less torturous.

They do try to vary things up from time to time by adding in new objectives like setting bombs at certain key areas or killing a set number of enemies, but this is obviously just a failed attempt for justifying more levels.

- Alien Syndrome's storyline seems to come straight from a B-rate sci fi movie. Totally Games attempts to throw a couple twists in there, but even these are predictable and pretty lame. The only time I was ever remotely surprised was at the very last boss fight, and when you have to wait until the end of a game to get any excitement, you know you're in trouble.

Plus, to continue on with my previous complaint about so many levels - the storyline develops so slowly throughout the game, it'd have been much more compelling to tighten everything up and pick up the pace by cutting levels and making the story develop quicker.

- Each character specialty gets about four proficiencies, which help you to further customize your character. However, once you max out these proficiencies, which I did around level 35 or so, none of the others unlock for you to upgrade. So once you reach this limit, you basically just keep gaining useless proficiency points each time you gain a level. A true waste.

- The game's voice acting is passable, but, due to some bad programming, the sound clips never completely finish before the scene ends. So you're forced to try quickly read the subtitles before a character stops talking.

- Totally Games had a great opportunity to create a lovable and humorous character in SCARAB (Sentient Combat and Recycling Assembly Bot). Many RPGs have these little sidekicks who join you throughout your quests, but instead of making players actually like the SCARAB, Totally Games stripped it of any personality. Chances are, you'll completely forget that SCARAB is even around.

- The framerate is generally good throughout the game, but when more than seven or eight characters appear on screen, you'll get some noticeable slowdown. To top it off, the game's last battle chugged along at a snail's pace, making it almost impossible for me to do anything as enemies converged on me countless times.

- Throughout probably the first third of the game, you'll encounter wave after wave of the same three or four enemy models with the only variance being different colors. Once you get further into the game, however, you'll be greeted with a greater variety of enemies that can actually be pretty formidable.

- Items are given monetary value but since there's literally no one you'll encounter in the game who's interested in buying any of your shit, that rating is pretty useless.

Okay, I could literally go on here all day long, but I think you guys get the gist of it. How's about those positives now?

+ Although gamers will notice most levels look the same for the first half of the game, if you get past that huge mountain, you may actually be impressed with some pretty decent levels.

+ While some of the bosses are just larger versions of normal enemies, Alien Syndrome does pack in some pretty neat bosses from time to time. The last boss is rightfully the most impressive.

+ The controls are pretty spot on, and generally it's pretty easy to navigate Aileen through tight tunnels or narrow ledges. Additionally, you can switch between melee and ranged weapons by pressing down on the d-pad, which is pretty handy, too.

+ Like most of the early portion of the game, the music is initially pretty rough, but once you get past that thick layer of fat, you'll get some nice tunes that really accentuates the ever growing alien threat.

+ Graphically, I'd say Alien Syndrome is decent for a PSP game. However, it fails miserably in this area on the Wii. It won't rival Metal Gear Solid or anything, but there's a fair amount of detail put into the level design, and I appreciate that.

+ I haven't gotten the chance to truly experience the game's multiplayer features, but from what little I have played, it seems pretty interesting. It's definitely a good way for Totally Games to extend the life of the game. Who knows, maybe it'll be more fun to play this game with a friend. I guess it could make the "experience" a little more bearable.

+ Lastly, I'd have to give Alien Syndrome some props for sporting a Crush ad on the back of its manual. At least the game is finally getting some marketing.

Summary
In the end, Alien Syndrome just doesn't live up to what I expect from Sega. With releases like this, I hope Sega realizes that getting small but cheap development teams to revamp an old-school franchise isn't necessarily the answer.

Sega, you made these games. You are the ones who created what we loved, so it's your responsibility to ensure these classics get the special treatment they deserve.

Alien Syndrome tries to do so many things right but it fails at just about all of them. With a little more time, I suppose it could have been made into a decent title, but in its current state, I wouldn't suggest anyone to pick it up.

5/10